There I was with a week full of deadlines, a heavy heart overwhelmed by my overbearing thoughts, and now, a handful of problems not to mention this new stabbing sharp pain slicing its way through my lower abdomen. It was time to face the truth...this whole thing was a recipe for disaster. What should I do? Should I rest and pray this pain goes away by some miracle? Or should I force my way through the stabbing sensation just so I can meet all my weekly deadlines? Sure my health is important, but I needed to get things done. After all, to me this was not just work. This was my calling, my degree, my future...my life. It was the future lives I need to help find their way to Christ. It was for my future generations. So, now with this searing pain in my lower abdomen- that by the way I have no time for- how was I supposed to get all of these things done? And that's when the questions started to come one after another. God...Why? Why this? Why me? Why now? Am I not doing what you called me to do?
Isn't it funny that we always question God first before we even question ourselves. That is pride at its finest.
We question if God's hand is really in our lives. If He meant what He said. If our true identity is truly what He says it is. Yet, if we take one look in the mirror, maybe we will see that it is us who should be the subject of our own interrogation. We lack trust in God. Perhaps we are listening to the lies of the enemy instead of God's truth. Or maybe we are putting our identity in something other than the God we serve. As I peeled back the layers of my current situation, God started to reveal what the real problem was. The problem was not me taking time off. It was actually much more deeper than that. My problem was an identity misplacement. The reason I felt so inadequate at the thought of taking time off to resolve my health complications was because I put my identity in the things I do. Those things gave me a name. They gave me a reason to feel purposeful, important, and valued. Thus, as things started take a turn for the unexpected and contradict my weekly expectations... I panicked.
I looked to my successes to be the ultimate provider for what I wanted to accomplish. Ironically, my very dream and pursuit to glorify God and elevate His kingdom turned into a the very opposite. Truth be told I was glorifying myself. Pride is sticky and sneaky. Even when it may appear like humility on the surface; it is still pride. I thought the amount of work I did and time I put in will eventually lead me to the provision I need which as a result made me the provider; not Jehovah Jireh. When we worship the provision over the provider we always end up worshipping ourselves in the end by seeking our own glory.
Good intentions do not always lead to good pursuits. And just because you say you are doing something for God doesn't mean your heart is in agreement.
This is why we are called in Romans 12:3 to evaluate ourselves and not to think ourselves better than we are. Honest reflection leads to the opportunity for us to offer up our weak areas to God who is more than able to help us.
When your identity gets misplaced the symptoms start creeping up fairly quickly. Before you know it you are left with an idol on the throne of your heart that belongs to God and a heavy heart full of worry.
Here are 3 Symptoms of A Misplaced Identity:
Identity is something we all seek whether we like it or not. However, sometimes we place it in the wrong things whether that be a love interest or a dream or our successes and accomplishments. Yet, shortly we will find that none of those things will fill us no matter how hard we try to make them work. We are left just as empty and hollow as we were before.
The truth is nothing can live up to the God expectation we all crave as humans; only God can do God things.
Only God is unchanging, eternal, unfailing, and will never abandon you. Only God knows everything about you, where you've been and the deepest desires in your heart. God was there all along and He is still here now. Stop filling up your cup with emptiness and disappointed expectations and instead go get the living water where you will never thirst again. That living water is found in Jesus. Our salvation in Jesus is our redemption from hopelessness and the never-ending cycle of misplacing our identity. In Jesus we are set free and no longer bondage by our past or our wondering heart. In Jesus, you are loved more than you can ever imagine. You are renewed. You are complete. You are a testament to God's grace and favor. Walk in your Christlike identity with a big smile on your face confidently knowing God sees you and knows your name.
On that note I decided to rest. Sure I still had a week full of deadlines, and handful of problems, but I realized something. I recognized the God I serve. And if God tells time to stop who is it to question Him?
P.S.
Don't forget to rest!!
The Lord Is My Shepherd
